


i'll never love again

by parkrstark



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Artist Steve Rogers, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapped Tony Stark, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Possessive Steve Rogers, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Presumed Dead, Protective Steve Rogers, Rescue, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers hates the cold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28355697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: "I love you," he whispered. "I know we never-- I never said that and it's early, but...I love you, Tony. Please." His voice broke. "Please don't leave me."He had no clue what was going on around them. There was chaos. He couldn't hear it, but a man-- Tony Stark-- was shot in the middle of Manhattan. That had to have drawn attention. But Steve didn't know what came of it because he could only focus on Tony. His Tony. Who was bleeding out in front of him, face already pale.It reminded Steve of the Battle of New York when Tony was in the suit but unconscious. He woke up that time. Why couldn't he wake up now?--Tony is kidnapped in front of Steve's eyes, and he's left to think he's dead. Good thing Steve would never give up on him.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 20
Kudos: 195





	i'll never love again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IronDadStan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronDadStan/gifts).



> this was supposed to be done ages ago...but life got in the way. This is for my dearest Cass. She loves the presumed dead woth tony, and so I took that and went wild with our excited headcanoning! I hope this lives up to everything you wanted, and it's a surprise. Merry Christmas love! 
> 
> The title is taken from the song, I'll Never Love Again from A Star is Born. The anthem for this fic.

_ Then _

"Tony!" Steve shouted, ripping his throat from the desperation. "Come on, stay with me!" 

Tony never listened to him. Not when he told him to come out of the lab at a decent time. Not when he told him to stop pulling reckless stunts in a mission. Not when he told him to stop drinking eight cups of coffee before noon. Not when Steve begged him to stay awake when he was bleeding out on the city pavement. 

Steve should have been in Captain America mode. Someone was stationed nearby with a sniper and a good enough view to shoot Tony as they walked out of their favorite diner. But he couldn't focus on that when Tony fell to the ground in front of them like a sack of bricks. 

Steve was on his knees immediately, before the blood started to pool around Tony. By now, it was seeping into the knees of his jeans. 

"Cap, we need to get him somewhere safe," Clint said, with a hand on his shoulder. 

They were all there. All six of them. 

"Tony, wake up!" Steve screamed, ignoring everyone else. "You need to wake up!" 

Someone was trying to pull him away. Steve refused to let that happen. 

He wanted to cup Tony's face gently, but he couldn't move his hands from Tony's chest where he was trying to staunch the bullet hole. "Wake up, sweetheart. Please." 

He heard a gasp behind him. Steve ignored it. 

"I love you," he whispered. "I know we never-- I never said that and it's early, but...I love you, Tony. Please." His voice broke. "Please don't leave me."

He had no clue what was going on around them. There was chaos. He couldn't hear it, but a man--  _ Tony Stark--  _ was shot in the middle of Manhattan. That had to have drawn attention. 

But Steve didn't know what came of it because he could only focus on Tony. His Tony. Who was bleeding out in front of him, face already pale. 

It reminded Steve of the Battle of New York when Tony was in the suit but unconscious. He woke up that time. Why couldn't he wake up now? 

"Steve!" 

Steve didn't care who was calling him. He couldn't turn his head away from Tony. As much as he didn't want to stare and give more details to this future nightmare, he couldn't look away. 

So maybe he was relieved when something pricked him in the neck, and his world went black before he even hit the ground.

* * *

_ 5 months before Then... _

Usually, Steve didn't run into anyone after his late night gym sessions. Or technically, early morning. Steve wasn't having an easy time falling asleep, not that he had since he woke up in the new century. 

Even now after he was living in a tower with five other people, he felt utterly alone. 

Sure, he hung out with the team during training missions, team dinners, movie nights, and such...and when they were together, things were good. But then they went to their separate floors at the end of the night and things were bad. 

Steve laid awake every night remembering the past. Peggy. Bucky. The Commandos. They were all probably dead now, not just Bucky. And Steve was alive here and now. In a world that didn't make much sense to him. 

He had nightmares a lot. No doubt from the shell shock that followed him through 70 years in the ice. 

The easiest way to avoid those episodes was to stay awake. He'd sleep for a few hours, maybe four, and then he'd roll out of bed and head to the gym. 

He'd punch the punching bag until his knuckles were raw, even wearing the gloves. After his gym session, he'd go out for a few miles of running before coming back to his room and showering. By the time he finished all of this, the team was starting to get up for the day. Steve had breakfast started by the time the first one came strolling down into their communal kitchen. 

But tonight, when he walked into the elevator from the gym, it was already occupied. Tony was dressed in sweats and a tank, both covered in oil stains-- old and new. His hair was mussed and it was strange to see Tony Stark, so unkempt. Even when they gathered for movie nights, Tony still looked good enough to be photographed for a newspaper. 

Not that he didn't look good now. He looked very good. 

"You coming in?" 

Right. Elevator. 

Steve stepped forward and clutched the towel to his chest. For some reason he felt mortified by being soaked to the bone with his t-shirt clinging to his body because of it. He hoped he didn't smell. 

He tried to sniff himself inconspicuously, but his nose was probably just used to it if he did stink. No doubt he did. 

"Didn't know your work-outs started so early," Tony commented, and Steve wasn't sure if he was passing judgement or not. 

"They don't usually," he fibbed. No reason for Tony to worry. 

"Mhm," Tony hummed as the elevator rose. 

Steve shifted from one foot to the next. He always felt weird around Tony. He had many confusing feelings about the man that were apparently not as frowned upon as they were back in his time. (He found that out when he saw two women share a kiss in Central Park during a lunch with Natasha. It made him smile.) 

But Tony...Tony didn't feel the same about him. They snapped at each other occasionally, though not as bad as they did before the Battle of New York. Before Tony almost died for New York. 

That was only a few weeks ago, and still Steve had nightmares of Tony never falling out of the wormhole or never waking up. 

Tony seemed to have a lot of feelings to work through because Steve was Captain America, and Tony hated Captain America. It probably had something to do with Howard. 

Steve wanted to work through it and be friends, but he wasn't sure if Tony wanted the same. "What're you doing up so early?" 

"Heading to bed, actually." 

Steve frowned. "Tony, it's almost 5." 

Tony barely glanced at him. There were bags under his eyes that Steve had never noticed before. Maybe he covered them up. "Yeah, and?" 

"What have you been doing?" 

"I was in the lab. Didn't realize how late it got until I almost drank a can of oil thinking it was my coffee." Tony chuckled as if that was funny. "J cut me off then." 

"Do you usually stay up this late?" 

"Occasionally. What about you, Star Spangled Banner? You always awake before the sun?" 

Steve didn't see why he should hide it, so he said, "Most nights I struggle with sleeping. I wake up and can't fall back to sleep." He shrugged his shoulders. 

"What's wrong? Bed too soft, too hard?" Tony was genuinely concerned. "I can add or change anything to your room to help you sleep." 

"The room is perfect, Tony." He felt sheepish as he admitted. "It's just bad dreams sometimes. Past, present, future. It all seems to haunt me." He laughed, just as Tony had laughed, even though the situation wasn't funny. Maybe that's why Tony laughed at his. If they didn't laugh, what else could they do?

"You get nightmares?" 

"Yeah." Steve played with the famous towel in his hand. "Shell shock got worse after those aliens came." 

Something in Tony's face changed, and Steve's stomach churned. Maybe he didn't know about this century as much as he thought. Maybe it wasn't okay to talk about shell shock. 

Steve took a step back, and his back hit the wall. Why was this elevator taking so long? It never took this long. He needed to get out of here before he humiliated himself any more.

Finally, Tony spoke. "Shell shock?" 

"Uh, yeah-- it, uh, it's-- nevermind." 

"I think you mean PTSD." 

That made Steve freeze. "Pardon me?" 

"Shell shock, it's an outdated term before people understood what it really was. We call it PTSD now." Tony didn't seem disgusted by Steve as he explained that. 

"PTSD," Steve repeated, feeling the term out on his tongue. 

"It stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's common among soldiers, though it can develop from any traumatic situation." Tony's explanation in such a gentle voice helped Steve relax. 

"Is...is it common nowadays." 

"No more common than it was 70 years ago," Tony replied. "But nowadays, it's not as shameful. There's more research, more treatments." 

"Oh. Thank you for letting me know." Steve made a note to look that up on the internet later. PTSD...Post...Trauma Stress...something-- he'd figure it out. 

"No problem." Tony glanced towards the doors and like magic, they opened up. He took a step forward and paused. Steve tensed. "If you ever...need someone to talk to, you know you got five of us in the tower that want to help. Six if you count JARVIS. All of this can be overwhelming. You don't gotta go through it alone." 

"Thank you." 

Tony nodded his head, and then he was gone, and the elevator continued to bring Steve up to his room. Instead of getting ready for a run, he showered and then grabbed his computer Tony had given him and settled in bed. 

"Hey, JARVIS." 

_ "Yes, Captain?"  _

"What's that word again? The new one for shell shock." 

_ "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." _

And so, his research began. 

* * *

_ 4 hours after Then... _

"What do you mean no one knows where he is? You're SHIELD! This is your job!" Steve screamed at Director Fury. He didn't care that he was their superior. He didn't care that his head still pounded from whatever drug was lingering in his bloodstream. 

"Captain, we are doing our best. You can imagine how difficult they are to find when they were able to pull a fast one on all of the Avengers." Fury crossed his arms over his chest. 

"We were out to eat," Natasha argued. "We weren't exactly expecting an ambush." 

"And after the ambush they were still able to knock you all out?" Fury sounded disappointed in their skill. 

"We were a little distracted!" Steve yelled, pounding his hand against the table. "Tony was bleeding out-- he was shot in the damn chest!" 

"Which is why I expected you to stop them and not find the five of you unconscious in an alleyway." 

"You think we  _ wanted  _ to let them get away? Do you know what you're saying?" 

"Watch your tongue, son," Fury warned, and that only infuriated Steve more. He was older than Fury. He'd seen more. He'd been through more. 

"Get out." 

"Excuse me?" Fury raised an eyebrow. 

"We told you everything. You can find out the rest in your own headquarters." 

Fury looked like he wanted to argue, but he looked at the four Avengers and left with a huff and mumbling under his breath. His SHIELD agents followed him out. 

Once they were alone, Steve fell to the chair once his strength to hold himself up gave in. He felt like his own head weighed a million pounds. For the first time since he got the serum, he felt weak. 

"We're going to find him," Bruce whispered from somewhere behind him. 

"I need him," Steve said, feeling lost. There were no brown eyes to stare into to assure him everything was going to be okay. 

The room was quiet. Even Thor wasn't saying a word. It was too quiet. This was when Tony would break the silence with a sarcastic quip of his. 

Steve pushed himself from the chair. "Let me know if SHIELD finds anything." Then he left them all and went to Tony's lab. 

He used his fingerprint to get in and asked JARVIS to lock the doors behind him. He went to Tony's usual spot and glanced behind him where he could easily see Steve's couch. Well, it wasn't Steve's couch, but Steve claimed it as his once he started joining Tony in the early mornings. 

Tony should be sitting here, working on whatever project he had going now while Steve sketched as be watched. 

"Hey, JARVIS…" Steve's voice was rough from all the screaming he'd been doing. 

_ "Yes, Captain?"  _

Steve ran a tired hand over his face. He was so out of depth with all of this technology, even if he was much better than he was when he first came out of the ice. "Is there any way for you to track Tony? His phone maybe…" 

_ "All of Sir's tracking systems are unresponsive."  _ JARVIS replied and Steve knew the AI well enough to hear the remorse in his voice. 

"Was afraid of that." Steve sighed, slumping in his seat. 

* * *

_ 4 months before Then... _

"Hey, Monet, can you lend me a hand?" 

Steve looked up from his sketchpad and raised an eyebrow. Tony never called him Steve; it was always a nickname, usually Cap. Monet was new. 

But so was Steve's tendency to join Tony in his lab. He'd take his sketchbook down to the lab and draw while Tony worked. He wasn't sure when it started, but he hoped it never stopped. 

Even though because he'd been staying up so late with Tony, he slept in too late for his morning runs and exercising sessions. But it also meant that he started sleeping through the night after he did sleep. 

That hadn't happened since before the War. 

"Staring isn't much of a help," Tony said, catching Steve's attention again. 

"Oh, right." Steve placed his book on the couch cushion and walked over to where Tony was working on one of the Iron Man suits. His hands both had tools in them as he used them on the chassis. 

"I just need you to hold two pieces together while I weld them." Tony gestured to some metal on the suit. 

Steve hesitated. "Is this dangerous?" 

"Do you think I'd have you do something dangerous, Cap?" 

There it was. 

"Not intentionally." 

"Exactly. Now, c'mon. My hands are getting tired." Tony gestured to the suit again and Steve leaned forward to help him. 

Sure enough, Steve wasn't harmed a bit while Tony welded the metal together. Not even a spark touched him. He let go afterwards and turned to Tony. "Anything else before I sit back down?" 

"No, I think I'm good now." Tony quickly added, "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Steve smiled and turned around to go back to his spot. That's when he noticed his plate full of veggies still that Steve brought down earlier. Steve's was empty, but Tony hadn't touched his. 

Tony was working on his suit again, having no idea Steve caught him. Steve picked up the plate and walked over to him. "Open your mouth." 

"I'm sorry...what?" Tony turned around to face Steve with a furrowed brow. 

"You haven't eaten. Probably because you can't put something down long enough to nourish yourself." He lifted a celery stick from the plate and waved it by his face. "Ahhh!" 

Tony rolled his eyes but opened his mouth anyway. Steve stuck the vegetable in his mouth and smiled in satisfaction when he started chewing. 

"Carrot or celery again?" Steve asked, surveying what was on the plate. 

"You don't need to  _ feed me,  _ Cap. I'm a grown ass adult." 

"Then why don't you eat?" Steve challenged. 

"I'm busy!" Tony waved to his suit. "Important things." 

"I think you can pause your work to eat. That's more important." 

"You're all over me about eating, but what about you and sleeping? You always sit with me down here instead of sleeping." 

Tony thought he did something, but he didn't know that even though Steve was going to bed later because of the time he spent with Tony, he slept longer and better than he had before. "I go to bed when you do. You can't use that argument unless you're better." 

_ "He has a point, sir."  _

Tony glared up at JARVIS. "Don't take his side."

_ "I simply worry you don't care for yourself enough. I'm glad Captain Rogers shares my same concern." _

"Fine! I'll wat my vegetables. Are you two happy?" Tony tossed one of his tools to his workbench and grabbed a carrot stick with his dirty fingers. Steve couldn't say anything about that because he usually always had paints or pastels covering his hands. 

Steve pushed the plate into his hand so he had to put down the other tool to eat. "Very." He jerked his head back to the couch. "I'm going back to my couch. If you need me, holler." 

The air in the lab was chilly like it always was, so Steve was thankful to be back where he could pull his blanket around himself. 

Tony noticed this and offered, "I can turn the air down a bit. I only keep it cold for all the machinery. DUM-E likes to freeze." 

Just the word  _ freeze  _ had Steve tensing, but he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. "I'm alright, but thank you." 

"If that changes, just let JARVIS know. It's no problem, really." 

"Alright." Steve went back to his sketching and it wasn't until almost an hour later when the blanket wasn't doing enough. 

Ever since he was thawed from the ice, he always had a chill in his bones he couldn't chase away. He never mentioned it to anyone because he was the team's leader; he couldn't show weakness. 

He waited for Tony to be seemingly invested in his project before he cleared his throat and spoke quietly, "JARVIS, do you mind lowering the AC just a bit, please?" 

_ "Of course, sir."  _

Tony didn't say a word and continued working, but the next time Steve joined him in the workshop, the temperature was warm enough that Steve didn't need a blanket. 

It never went colder again when Steve was around.   
  


* * *

_ 16 hours after Then... _

Steve spent hours in the lab with the doors locked. He ignored texts from the team, and JARVIS' messages. He didn't want to hear from anyone but one person. 

He wanted to hide away until they found Tony, but he couldn't avoid the hunger pains any longer. Not when his metabolism was four times faster than a normal person. 

His stomach  _ ached  _ for food, and he knew that starving himself wouldn't help Tony. He needed to be strong for the rescue mission. 

So he waited until he thought it was long enough that everyone would be asleep, but when he exited the elevator into the common floor, Natasha was sitting at the kitchen island. 

Steve froze, wondering if he had time to run back in the elevator and take it to either his floor or the lab again. 

"Don't think about it," Natasha said, using her freaky spy abilities to know he was there. She didn't even turn around yet. 

"I wasn't aware anyone was awake." He sent a glare to the ceiling as if JARVIS would get the jab directed at him. 

"You're already here, might as well come sit." She patted the seat next to her before standing up. 

He shuffled over and took a hesitant seat. 

"You hungry?" 

Before Steve could answer, his stomach growled loudly. He felt his cheeks flush as he hunched slightly in on himself. 

Natasha chuckled quietly. "I assumed so." She took a plate out of the refrigerator and stuck it in the microwave. Once it was done, she brought it back over and placed it in front of Steve. It was a plate of chicken and rice. 

She took the seat across from him and went silent. Steve tried to ignore her stare as he ate. 

It wasn't until he started taking breaths between his food that she spoke, "We haven't found any more information on Tony yet. SHIELD is trying their best." 

Those words made him feel sick and killed his appetite. But he ate around the nausea. He didn't tell her about his own tracking with JARVIS, and how it was unsuccessful. 

He stayed silent as he stuffed another forkful into his mouth. 

Natasha was quiet for a moment before she cleared her throat. "The team is a little worried about you, Steve." 

Steve frowned as he glanced up at her. Why would they be worried about him? He was here; he was safe. Tony wasn't. 

When she clarified, Steve's blood turned cold. "We didn't know you two were-- are-- together…" 

He froze and felt his eyes widen. They knew? How? They were keeping it a secret-- no one was supposed to know. 

Things were different now, but  _ how  _ different? Would the team still want him to lead knowing he was attracted to men? 

"It's alright," Natasha said quickly, sensing his panic. "Your secret is safe with us." 

Steve glanced up at her, suppressing a shiver. He hated how cold this was making him feel. "I'm sorry." 

Natasha's eyes were full of disgust or anger. "For what? I don't blame you for keeping it yourself for a bit. I just--...we didn't know until you were talking to Tony this morning after the attack. I can't imagine how you're taking this." 

Steve eyed her, waiting for her to take it all back. She didn't. "You mean that?" 

"Of course, Steve. No one in this tower is homophobic. You're safe here." She gave him a small smile.

"I didn't-- I didn't know anyone could hear me." Steve should have known. He shouldn't have been so careless. 

"How long have you two been together?" Natasha asked, her voice quiet. 

"Uh, not long. Maybe...two months? We've...we've only been on three dates." Steve stared down at his hands. I've only kissed him once." 

"Wait. You've been with Tony for two months and you've only kissed once?" She sounded like she couldn't believe it. 

"We're taking things slow," he said, his cheeks flushing. He knew the stories about Tony Stark. He knew how dating worked nowadays. He read about what was supposed to happen after the third date, and he hoped Tony wasn't disappointed by just a kiss. 

Well, that was the thing...Steve  _ knew  _ he wasn't disappointed by it. Tony didn't care because it was Steve. 

Tony loved him; he had to have loved him. They never got the chance to exchange those words, but they loved each other. 

He hoped Tony heard him before he was taken. If there was something he had to hold onto until he was rescued, he hoped it was that.

"That's sweet." She paused with a chuckle. "You've tamed Tony Stark. I didn't think it was possible." 

"He's done wonders for me too. I didn't think I'd ever find someone else in this time. And then I met him." He felt his body shudder. "I don't...I can't lose him." 

"You won't," Natasha said sternly.

"I hope not. Because I can't do this without him." 

* * *

_ Two months before Then… _

Steve straightened his shirt to get rid of the wrinkles he saw. He doubted Tony would notice them, as they were normal wrinkles from wearing the shirt and it didn't look untidy. But he still needed it to be perfect. 

Once he was satisfied with his shirt, he moved to his hair. He had it gelled, and usually, he didn't go through too much trouble when joining Tony in the workshop. But this wasn't just a normal day in the workshop. 

The man staring back at him in the mirror looked nervous. Terrified. Steve didn't blame him. 

"Hey, JARVIS, how do I look?" 

_ "You look very handsome, Captain."  _

Steve gulped and let out a deep breath. He cleared his throat and tried to seem casual and see how he looked as he spoke. "So, Tony...we've been hanging together a lot lately. I've enjoyed your company tremendously and-- no, that sounds way too formal." 

_ "I think it is a good start."  _

Steve sighed. "Thank you, JARVIS." He shook his head and tried again. "Tony, you are my best friend and I find myself wanting to spend every moment with you. I hope you feel the same. Oh, God-- what if he doesn't feel the same?" 

_ "I'm sure he does." _

"But how can you be sure?" Steve almost ran a nervous hand through his hair but stopped short. He almost ruined his perfectly gelled hair. 

_ "He doesn't let anyone else join him in the lab when he works. You have your own section."  _

"Maybe he just feels bad for me. He knows I've got no one and this world is too confusing so he just pities me. He'd never actually want to go out with me," Steve rambled, his stomach churning anxiously. 

_ "Why don't you let Mr. Stark decide that for himself?"  _

"Yeah. I guess you're right, huh?".

_ "Despite Mr. Stark's claims, most times I am."  _

Steve chuckled and let out another breath. "Okay, okay. I'm going now before I blow my nerve."

_ "Good luck, Captain."  _

"Thanks, JARVIS." Steve walked out of his room, to the elevator, and he didn't even need to ask JARVIS to bring him down to the lab. This was part of his daily routine: spending time with Tony in the lab. 

He walked into the room, and Tony didn't even look up. "Hey, Steve." 

Steve wrung his hands nervously. He couldn't do this. What was he thinking? Just because times were different and people were more accepting than in the '40s, didn't mean that Tony was into guys. Or even if he was into guys, that didn't mean he was into Steve. 

Tony glanced over his shoulder and shot Steve a frown. "You okay?" 

"Uh. Good." 

Tony furrowed his brow. "You sure?" 

"Um. Question. I have a question. For you." Steve ran a hand through his hair and cursed under his breath. There went his styled hair. 

Tony turned around to give Steve his full attention. That made him feel better that Tony was willing to do that in the middle of a project but also made him nervous to have Tony staring. "Shoot. Maybe I got an answer for you." 

He'd have an answer. Whether it was a good one or not, though, Steve didn't know. 

He stood there for a moment unable to say anything and Tony waited patiently. He had so much to say, and so many versions of what to say. And nothing could come out now. 

"You look a little pale, bud." 

Bud. Bud.  _ Bud.  _

"Date. I-- you. I was wondering-- together. Maybe. Uh. Date." Steve's face was bright red; he felt it burning from his ears to his cheeks. 

Tony's eyes widened a fraction. Was he scared? Disgusted? 

"I didn't-- did you...uh. I shouldn't, uh...you know. I was hopin' maybe you'd--yeah." 

"Hey, you almost had a full sentence there," Tony said. 

Why was he joking? Was he uncomfortable? Was he nervous too? 

"You. Me. Date. Friday." 

Tony stood up and Steve felt his heart race. "I can't tell if this is you trying to take control or you're just too nervous to string together a complete sentence." 

_ "His practiced lines were much more polite, sir."  _

Tony's lips quirked into a smile. "I bet they were." 

"I'm sorry," Steve said with a dry mouth. 

Tony's expression turned serious. "Hey, no. Don't apologize." 

"I-- I've never…"

"Yes," Tony said, walking over to him. "I'd love to go out with you, Steve." 

Steve sucked in a quick breath. "Really?" 

With a laugh that crinkled the corner of Tony's eyes, he said, "Yes, really, you big goof."

Steve felt like a weight was lifted off of his entire back, shoulders, and chest. "Oh. That's a relief. I didn't know if...I was hoping desperately."

Tony gave him a grin. "What was this I heard about practicing too?" 

Steve chuckled. "I wanted to look nice for you. For this to be perfect."

"That explains how dressed up you look," Tony said, running his fingers through Steve's hair to mess it up. "There's just one thing you forgot." 

"What?" 

"You're already perfect." 

* * *

_ 3 days after Then… _

Tony was still nowhere to be seen. They hadn't heard a word from him or his captors since he was taken. 

Fury said that SHIELD was working on it, but Steve highly doubted that they were working hard enough. 

Steve, on the other hand, hadn't done anything but search for Tony. He took short breaks for food, but that was it. He dozed off here and there, but he never laid down to sleep intentionally. 

He was regretting his decision to forgo sleep when his eyes started to burn and it hurt to stare at the holographic screens, but he felt guilty trying to sleep when he didn't know where Tony was. 

But when he heard an alarm going off through the lab, that woke him up. He sat up straight as a rod. "JARVIS, what is that?" 

_ "Unknown aircraft is within the air zone of the tower."  _

_ Tony?  _

Steve shoved from the chair he was in so hard it crashed to the ground. He heard DUM-E beep in a panic at the sudden movement but didn't have time to apologize before he was rushing out of the room. 

By the time he got upstairs, the rest of the team was already there. Bruce was walking away, looking s little green around the edges of his face-- literally and figuratively. 

Clint was talking to Thor out on the helicarrier landing pad and Natasha was by the elevator as if she was waiting for him to arrive. She grabbed him before he could rush over to see what had Thor and Clint's attention outside. 

"Who was it? Was it Tony?" Maybe he built a suit and made his way back. 

"Steve, listen. You need to sit down." 

Steve tried shoving her hand off of him. He didn't need to sit. He needed to see Tony. "Where is he?" 

"Steve, let me explain before you--." 

Steve didn't listen to her and shoved past her and ran to the balcony. He looked down at what was on the ground by Thor and Clint's feet. Or, who was at their feet. 

It was Tony. 

Steve was staring at Tony, but Tony wasn't staring back. Even though his eyes were open, they were vacant. His skin was pale white. His chest wasn't moving. His arc reactor wasn't glowing. His heart wasn't beating-- Steve would have heard it. 

"No," he whispered. 

Natasha grabbed his arm to try and pull him back. Her voice was harsher. "Steve, dammit. I told you to stay inside." 

"Natasha, is that…?" 

"Steve, we don't know. They just dropped him and we don't know...but we think it's him." 

Steve yanked himself from Natasha's grip. "No. It can't be him." 

"Nat, you were supposed to keep him away," Clint said, stepping in front of Tony. It didn't matter. Steve would never forget the look of his face. 

"I tried," she said, grabbing Steve's arm and tugging him back. "You try stopping a 200lb super soldier." 

Steve fell to his knees in front of Tony, not caring about how he shoved both Natasha and Clint out of his way. 

"Rogers, don't. Get up." Clint was no more successful than Natasha. 

Steve reached for Tony's hand and he held it. For the first time, Tony didn't hold back. His hand was limp and cold.

The feeling of his hand, unresponsive in his own led him to the realization that Tony was gone. There was no saving him from death. 

After a violent churn of his stomach, Steve turned away from Tony's body and threw up what little food he had in his stomach. All over Clint's feet. 

Clint cursed under his breath with a quick step backwards with a more urgent, "Natasha." 

"Alright. Okay. Alright." Natasha pulled him up and away from Tony. Steve was thankful for her holding him up because his legs couldn't carry his weight. 

They gave in immediately, and honestly, Steve wished he could too.

  
  


* * *

_ 2 months before Then... _

JARVIS was the only one that knew about their date that Friday. Not that either one of them wanted to hide each other, but this was both a first for them. 

For the beginning, they wanted to keep it to themselves. It made it exciting sneaking around. 

It wasn't even unusual for them to have dinner together. 

Natasha and Clint were training with SHIELD, Thor was in Asgard, and when Bruce saw Steve making dinner, he didn't question it.

So technically, they weren't hiding it from anyone but the public. It wasn't their business anyway. 

Steve didn't know how to make much. Back in his time, he didn't have a plethora of food to make fancy meals with, but he was starting to learn how with all of his time. 

He knew how to boil pasta and make sauce though. It took a few hours for the sauce, but the pasta took minutes. He decorated a table on the balcony with a white tablecloth, a single red rose in a small vase, and a candle. He hoped he didn't make it too much and scare away Tony. 

But when Tony walked out and saw the table, his face lit up brighter than the candle between their plates. "Steve, you did this for me?" 

"I did it for us," he said quietly, holding out Tony's chair for him. 

Tony took a seat, dressed in a fancy suit. Steve felt slightly undressed in his nicest pair of jeans and a baby blue button down shirt. His worries lessened when Tony looked up and smiled. "You look very handsome." 

"Thank you, Tony. So do you." Steve took a seat across from Tony, sliding his feet under the table and accidentally brushed them against Tony's feet. Before he could pull them away and apologize, Tony smiled and hooked his foot around his ankle. 

"I made the sauce from a recipe in a cookbook I found in your cabinet." Steve looked down at his plate of pasta, and even though it smelt good, he wondered if it tasted the same. 

Tony's face softened. "That was my Mom's." 

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know…" 

"No," Tony said quickly, reaching over to put a hand over Steve's. "Don't apologize. I don't cook much, but I know she'd want someone to. I'm glad it's you." 

Steve looked at where Tony's hand was resting on his and he flipped his hand over so that his palm was up and he could interlace their fingers. 

Tony squeezed his hand back and rubbed his thumb softly against his skin. 

It was difficult, but they managed to eat their food with one hand the entire time so they never had to let go. 

* * *

_ 5 days after Then... _

Steve didn't know how Colonel Rhodes was doing it. He wasn't okay; he was far from it. Steve could tell he wasn't here mentally from the far away look in his eyes. 

Despite that, he was still greeting each guest and thanking them for their condolences. He was handling the funeral of his best friend for the last 30 years. 

Steve only knew Tony Stark for less than a year, but it was enough to destroy his world when he lost him. 

He watched Colonel Rhodes shake hands with another guest Steve didn't know as he sat in his chair against the wall. 

He hadn't even gone near the open casket yet because he wasn't sure he could take seeing Tony like that again. Even if the mortician did the best job at making him look  _ alive.  _ Which was ironic since it was obvious he wasn't. 

He should be. He was 40-years-old. That was  _ young.  _ Too young. 

Natasha was next to him, keeping her arm around his shoulders to keep him up. He couldn't feel it though. He couldn't feel any of it. He was too numb. 

"Hey, Steve," Natasha said quietly. "No one is up there now. Do you want to go pay your respects?" 

"I'll see him," Steve said, remembering the nightmares he woke up to every time he closed his eyes since he saw him. Nights were spent in cold sweats and screaming. 

"Yes," Natasha said. "But if you don't, you might regret it." 

Steve just stared ahead where Rhodes was talking to Tony again. He was good to him. Steve wasn't. 

"He looks better now too. It's like he's sleeping." 

Except he wasn't, and he wouldn't wake up. 

"Come on," Natasha said. "Let's just say goodbye. Go see how Rhodes is doing. He might need a friend." 

Steve didn't want to go up there, but he couldn't fight her when she lifted him up to his feet. She started to lead him to the casket and Steve wanted to plant his feet in the ground and stop her, but he couldn't. 

He ignored the pitying stares he got as he made his up. Rhodes patted his arm and from the look on his face, Steve could tell that someone told him about him and Tony. Maybe even Tony himself before he was taken. 

Steve squeezed his eyes shut before he could reach Tony. He heard Natasha whisper in his ear, "It's okay. I'm right here. So is Rhodes." 

God, Steve felt so pathetic. He was their leader. He was supposed to be the one they leaned on for support. Not the other way around. 

"Yeah, man. You can look. Maybe seeing him like this will help. Bring closure." 

Steve didn't know why, but his eyes peaked open then. He looked down and Steve had only seen Tony fall asleep a few times in the lab, but he'd never fallen asleep by his side. 

So he didn't know what he looked like when he was laying down for a peaceful sleep. But this looked close to it. 

His eyes were closed and the color was back in his face. His lips were turned into a smile. It didn't look like Tony's soft smile. 

Other than that, he looked just like Tony was still there and just sleeping. Except that there was something missing. Nothing to major. Just a freckle under his eye. It was small and Steve hadn't noticed it until their first kiss. 

There were other freckles on his face, so it couldn't have been covered by makeup. It just...wasn't there. 

Steve even brushed his thumb where it should be, and no makeup came off on his thumb to reveal a freckle. 

His heart jumped into his throat. That was a good sign but also bad. Because Tony wasn't dead, but he also was still missing. 

"That's not him," Steve mumbled. 

"What's that, Steve?" Natasha asked, not hearing him. 

"That's not him," he said louder. He lifted his shoulders up. "He's alive." 

"Steve," Rhodes said. "I know you don't want to believe it, but--." 

"No!" Steve practically shouted. "He's  _ alive!"  _

There was murmuring behind him. He heard some of them. They thought he was having a breakdown. 

"Steve, why don't we take a step outside?" Natasha sounded panicked and worried. 

"I thought you said he was okay," Rhodes whispered as if Steve wasn't right there. 

"He wasn't like this! This is new." Natasha's hand was firm on his arm. 

Steve couldn't take his eyes off of Tony. He almost felt giddy. That wasn't Tony. Tony was alive. Tony was out there still. "We have to find him." 

"Slow down there, Cap," Rhodes said, his voice full of pity. He was tired of being pitied. "He's...he's right here. I'm sorry." 

"No. He's got a freckle. Under his eye. His eyelashes always just barely reach it. This isn't him." Steve looked up at him, begging him to believe him. He was Tony's best friend. He should know too. But Rhodes was never that close and intimate with Tony. Nobody had before Steve. 

"Steve, I know it's hard, but…" 

"No! He's alive and we're wasting our time here!" 

"You need to quiet down, Steve. I know you're grieving, but you're drawing attention to yourself." Natasha was starting to pull him away from the casket. He felt even more eyes on him. 

"Natasha, that's not Tony," he said when she dragged him into the hallway finally. "That's not him." 

"Steve, we've had him checked. Multiple times. If they were trying to trick us, they'd send a body we  _ couldn't  _ check." Natasha looked worried more than he'd ever seen her. 

"Unless they're just  _ that  _ confident." Steve's mind was running a mile a minute. "They must have had this planned. We just saw aliens invade New York a few months ago. I don't think its crazy to think they can clone a body to be dead."

"SHIELD would have known if it was a fake. They did an autopsy," Natasha argued.

"How can you be so arrogant?" Steve furrowed his brow. "They aren't God. They don't know everything." 

"Steve, I know you lost him and you've been lost yourself ever since, but this is dangerous thinking." She sighed, shaking her head. 

"Nat, believe me. Please." 

"Steve…" 

Steve knew from her voice that she didn't believe him, and she wasn't going to. He was in this alone, but he wasn't going to give up. Even if no one else was on his side. 

* * *

_ 1 week before Then... _

It was their third date. They went out to a movie and then walked around Central Park. Steve held Tony's hand through the entire movie, and was a little disappointed he couldn't while they strolled through the park. 

Just like every night, Steve took the elevator up to Tony's floor to drop him off at the penthouse. Usually, they were both half asleep after working all night in the lab. 

But tonight, Steve was awake with a buzz of their date. He didn't let go of Tony's hand until the doors opened and Tony sighed. "I guess it's time for sleep." 

"I'll see you tomorrow," Steve said. "I'm baking muffins for the team. I'll make yours special. Secret ingredient." 

"Oh yeah? What ingredient would that be?" Tony asked with a grin. 

_ Love.  _ Steve shrugged his shoulders. "Wouldn't be a secret if I told you." 

"I'll guess I'll have to see tomorrow. Maybe if I wake early enough I can watch you make them." 

Tony wasn't a morning person, so Steve doubted he would wake before the smell of them baking filled his floor. "If you say so." 

Rolling his eyes, Tony said, "I do say so. You'll see." His face softened as he grew serious. "Thank you for the good time tonight, Steve."

"You don't have to thank me." Steve shook his head, his fingers twitching against his side. 

"I always will. Goodnight, handsome." Tony smiled and turned around, and usually, Steve let him go. He'd watch his ass on the way and he'd always look back with a little smile. Steve would always wave back like a dork. 

But tonight he didn't want to wave. 

He grabbed Tony's hand before he could leave. Tony turned, his hand still in Steve's hold. "Steve?" 

"May I kiss you?" Steve blurted out, surprised at himself for actually saying it without stumbling over his words. 

Tony smiled, his hand squeezing Steve's. "Of course. You don't need to ask." 

Steve took a step closer. "Yes, I do." 

"Well, fine then." Tony huffed. "Just get over here and kiss me, bug guy." 

Steve took another step and lifted his hand to cup Tony's cheek. He brushed his thumb against Tony's cheek, staring deep into his brown eyes. He had never been this close and intimate to someone. He had two kisses before this and both of them were quick and sudden, both the random military officer and Peggy. 

Now though, he got to soak in the feeling of holding his loved one close. He could memorize every shade in his eyes and count the freckles on his face. He brushes his thumb against one just under his eye. 

He wondered if anyone else knew Tony had a freckle there. He hoped that was his own special part of Tony no one else could have. 

Sure they could see it if they were this close, but would they care to see it or would their eyes glance right over it? 

Steve would never glance over even the smallest detail of Tony. 

He leaned forward and watched as Tony's eyes fluttered shut. His eyelashes almost touched the freckle. Steve smiled as he closed his own and closed the distance between them. 

The kiss was soft and slow. Their lips really just getting to know one another. Tony tasted like strawberry chapstick. Steve wouldn't have guessed that before this. Another thing only Steve knew. 

He pulled back, even when Tony's lips chased after him briefly. He opened his eyes and saw Tony staring up, looking absolutely smitten. "That was...wow." 

Steve gave him a hesitant smile. "You liked it?" 

"I did. Very much so." Tony's eyes glanced down to Steve's lips for a moment. Steve smiled. 

"So did I," Steve admitted. "I don't have much experience, but that was my favorite. By far." 

"I have plenty of experience and let me tell you, that was my favorite too." Tony's hand squeezed Steve's. "You're perfect. Already told you, baby." 

Steve blushed and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Tony's cheek. "Goodnight, Tony." 

"A very good night indeed. I can't wait for another one of those." 

Steve laughed softly, but he couldn't say he disagreed. He didn't want to scare Tony, but he was already thinking about when kissing Tony would be the last thing he did every night and the first thing he did in the morning. 

* * *

_ 2 months after Then… _

Steve thought he'd find him. If he just believed in Tony, he'd find him. Because that wasn't him. 

Or so he thought. 

Now, after endless weeks of searching, Steve didn't know. Maybe he didn't look hard enough. Maybe he was looking under the wrong eye. Maybe his eyes just refused to let him see it.

Everyone else seemed okay with everything. Well, not okay. He wasn't sure if any of them would ever be okay again.

But they were dealing. Steve wasn't. 

Steve barely left the lab. He barely ate or slept. He hadn't picked up a pencil to draw since his last night with Tony in the lab. 

If they never found him, then he'd never pick it up again. Drawing reminded him of Tony, and he didn't want to be happy. 

Not without Tony. 

Natasha tried to keep his head above water, but she couldn't babysit him all the time. She still had other missions to go on, and when he was alone, he felt like he was drowning. 

Thor was rarely around, always off-world with Asgardian affairs. Steve felt selfish for wanting him to forget about anything other than finding Tony. 

Clint was around when Natasha was, but he wasn't as good at pulling Steve out of his funks like Natasha was. But he tried. 

Bruce was on a long vacation somewhere Hulk couldn't come out. He'd had trouble controlling it ever since they found Tony. Steve didn't know how long he'd been gone; Natasha had only mentioned it in passing once. 

Rhodes came down more than Steve would have thought. He brought Steve food, guided him to bed, and asked him how he was. 

Steve wanted to beg Rhodes to believe him, that Tony was alive. But he tried once and he saw a look in his eyes, a broken look that Steve had put there. He refused to do it again after Rhodes had already lost so much. 

He couldn't do it again. 

So he kept his crazy ideas to himself that Tony was still alive. Somewhere. 

That didn't stop Rhodes from worrying though. 

"Hey, Steve...you've been down here since last Sunday JARVIS said." Rhodes was still dressed in his fatigues from whatever mission he was back from. Steve couldn't keep track anymore. "Romanoff and Barton haven't been here in a few days because of whatever secret mission they're on for Fury. I was worried about you here all alone."

Steve swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You shouldn't worry about me. I'm an adult. I'm the Captain of the team. But lately, I've been nothing but weak." 

"You're grieving. I feel like your entire life has been nothing but grieving," Rhodes said. "I've read about you in history books. Howard never shut up about you. I know you're story before  _ and  _ after the ice." 

Steve's eyes were burning as he stared down at the blank sketchbook sitting in front of him, taunting him. "My life after is gone now." 

"I know it feels like that, but it's not." 

"But it is," Steve argued, no harshly. He looked up at Rhodes and said, "Peggy was my first love, though nothing came of it. I thought I'd never find someone like her. And then I found him. Tony was perfect. Tony loved me for me, and he was my best friend. I don’t know how I've gone so long without him." 

"Because no matter what happens, the world keeps turning, and we keep living."

"But I don't want to and I don't think I am. I'm not living without Tony. I wake and I sleep. But, I will  _ never  _ love again." Steve shook his head, a tear falling. "I will never love another human or another thing. Nothing in life...I'll never fall in love with any of it." 

Rhodes sighed. "Tony wouldn't want you to live like that." 

"I don't care. I don't want to feel any of what he made me feel. Never." He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the tears to trail down his cheeks. "I had everything with him.  _ Everything.  _ And now he's gone, and he took it all with him." 

"I wish I could say something to help," Rhodes whispered. "Tony was the only one good at getting through to you. I wish you'd let us in. You're scaring me, man. And-- and you're the last of Tony I have left." Rhodes sounded choked up. "I don't wanna lose you too. Please." 

"I wish I could…"  _ I wish I could have done so much more. I wish I knew it would have been the last time I was with you because I would have done anything to save you.  _

"I know," Rhodes said. "You don't have to say it." 

Steve turned back to the paper, remembering a time when it was impossible for him to not fill an entire page within minutes down here. 

"We lost two people the day Tony was taken," Rhodes whispered. "I just wish I could get them back. Both of them." 

* * *

_ 3 months before Then... _

Steve was surprised he wasn't frozen in place. He felt the freezing chill deep in his bones, still, hours after they'd returned to the tower.

Their latest mission ended with him and Tony locked in a giant freezer. It wasn't long, but it was long enough to send Steve back to the ice. 

He was just glad that Thor broke through the door before he became completely unresponsive. Still, he moved rigidly to the jet and stayed silent the entire flight home. When he had to give their briefing to Fury, his throat caught on retelling the part of them slowly freezing to death. Tony picked up where he faltered and finished for him. 

Tony didn't take his eyes off him the rest of the flight. So he shouldn't have been surprised when there was a knock on his door a few hours later. 

"Who's there?" Steve croaked from underneath the bundle of blankets he was in. He was sitting in the bay window in his room, letting the warm July sun shine on him. He still couldn't help but shiver every now and then. 

"Tony," came the reply. 

If this were a few weeks ago, Steve would have threw off his blanket and stood up to seem okay. Or maybe he wouldn't have even let Tony in. But they were friends now, or at least Steve thought they were after the countless nights spent in the lab together. 

So he didn't move and said, "Come in." 

The door clicked open and Tony stuck his head inside. "Hey, Cap. Just wanted to check in on you after today." 

Steve shrugged his shoulders, turning back to the window. "I'm fine." 

"Yeah, and I'm Paris Hilton." Tony walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. "I know how you feel about the cold." 

Steve squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus on now and the sun rays on his face. Not that cold ice. "It wasn't bad. It was just a freezer. We were barely in there for 40 minutes." 

"Still long enough to get treated for mild hypothermia. Still long enough to trigger PTSD." Tony's words were soft but blunt. He never was one to beat around the bush. 

"I hate the cold," Steve whispered with an involuntary shiver. "It feels like I'm back in the ice, and then I'm trapped. I don't want to lose another 70 years." 

"You're not going to lose another 70 years. I'd never let you disappear that long, Cap." Tony took a seat across from Steve on the bay window cushion. He tucked his knees against his chest and rested his chin on his knees as he stared at Steve. 

Steve felt like right now, no one but them existed. "But what if you couldn't find me? Your dad looked back then. He couldn't find me." 

Tony chuckled dryly. "Well, I'm better than my dad. Maybe he couldn't find you, but nothing would ever stop this Stark from finding you." 

Somehow, even though Steve knew Tony couldn't promise that, it made Steve feel safer. It made him feel safer about a situation that was almost statistically impossible, but it made him feel safe nonetheless. 

"Thank you, Tony," Steve whispered, rubbing his socked foot against Tony's. 

"Of course, Cap. Always."

* * *

_ Three months after Then… _

Steve got the emergency alert when he was in a rare moment of self-care. Rhodes' words got to him, and he was trying to better himself for Tony. Because when Tony came back, he needed Steve to be there. 

He almost mistook the alarm for a SHIELD mission, but then he remembered he had silenced the lab's systems from anything but Tony. 

Steve shoved his bowl of oatmeal away from him as he scrambled to his feet. "JARVIS, is that him?" 

_ "It seems that Sir has let out an emergency beacon only moments ago. I have his triangulated coordinates here."  _ If an AI could sound excited, JARVIS definitely did. 

Steve held his breath as a map came on the screen. Tony's location. He was alive. Steve could bring him home. 

"What's the fastest way to get there, JARVIS?" Steve barked, already running to the elevator. He didn't have time to get dressed in his uniform; he needed to get to a jet and go. 

_ "The only thing that can get you to Mr. Stark's location within an hour is one of Sir's suits."  _

Steve froze. "Like...an Iron Man suit?" 

_ "Yes, sir." _

"But-- I wouldn't fit. He's smaller. I've never even used one!" Steve's eyes glanced to the glass cases of his latest suits. 

_ "He has a special armor that would be perfect, I think."  _ A wall came down as JARVIS spoke, revealing a larger suit. It was painted blue and silver with streaks of red across the chassis. The arc reactor in the center of the chest was shaped in a star. Like Steve's uniform. 

"Is that...for me?" 

_ "Yes. Sir was working on it. Just in case."  _

Steve's eyes widened. "How do I--." He was interrupted by the suit disassembling and then molding itself around his body. Steve gasped as he was enclosed in the metal armor and the HUD display lit up inside the helmet. 

_ "I can help you get there, Captain. If you use autopilot then you don't have to worry about a thing."  _ JARVIS' voice was in his ears as Steve took in the suit. 

"Yes. Please. And, uh, can you alert the team? I know they'll join, but I'll be faster. Mute all calls from them. I don't need a distraction." 

_ "Of course, Captain."  _

Then he was flying. He was soaring above New York City, and maybe if this were another time, he'd enjoy the view. 

But for now, all he could focus on was the dot where Tony was. It hadn't moved, but it was still there. Steve only hoped Tony was there too. 

He wasn't sure where the suit was taking him, but in less than 35 minutes, it was landing and bringing him down to the ground. 

Steve's ears popped as he descended and his heart raced when he saw that wherever Tony was, was surrounded by snow. 

_ "Your body is showing early signs of an anxiety attack, Captain."  _

"I-I'm fine. Just not a fan of the cold and snow, is all." There wasn't anywhere Steve could look that wasn't white. 

_ "How about I turn on your suit heaters?" _

"I have that?" 

_ "Of course. Sir made it specifically for this suit."  _ A warm rush of air started to fill the suit, and it should have been sweltering, but Steve found it perfect to keep the chill out. "Thanks, JARVIS." 

_ "It's Mr. Stark that deserves your thanks."  _

"And he'll get it soon," Steve said, rushing forward where the GPS was leading him. It was a small ungrounded bunker hidden in snowy mountains. It was a smart place to hide, but it couldn't keep Steve away from his love. 

He crashed through the front doors-- literally-- and stormed through the corridors that were as white as the snow outside. He shot at any Hydra agent he saw with the repulsor on his palm. Of course this had to be Hydra. 

He didn't even slow down before he was at the last room in the hall. He kicked it in and inside was a dark cell, a stark contrast to the white around them everywhere else. 

The emergency light from the hallway outside shone in the room and just in the corner, Steve could make out a crouched figure. "Tony?" 

"S-Steve?" Came the hesitant reply. 

Tony's voice. It sounded wobbly and near breaking, but he was alive. 

Steve rushed forward and kneeled in front of him. The light from his arc reactor gave him just enough to see Tony in the dark room. He was pale, and his greasy hair was matted to his head. His face was littered in scrapes and bruises. Someone had hurt him. Steve growled. 

Someone hurt Tony. Someone hurt his Tony. 

"Looking good in the suit," Tony croaked, but Steve couldn't focus on him cracking jokes when he was so broken. 

A step behind him had him whirl around and raise his hand, his repulsor already whirring in power build-up. 

He growled again, daring whoever it was to come near them. It wouldn't end happy for them. 

"Woah, Cap. It's Romanoff." Natasha stepped forward, raising her hands. "We were nearby on another mission when we got the call. Barton is taking care of agents blocking our way out." 

"Nat, oh, it's good to see you," Tony breathed, sounding relieved. 

"You too, Tony. Who would have thought I'd miss your charm?" Natasha tried to take a step closer and Steve stepped back until he was pressing Tony against the wall. 

"Oof-- hey, big guy, I'm alright," Tony said. "She's good. She's family. We're safe." 

Another voice joined in and Steve felt even more panicked. He didn't trust anyone around Tony. "Yo, we find him?" 

"He's right here. And he's got a friend." 

Clint stepped next to Natasha and his eyes widened when he glanced over Steve's shoulder. "Holy shit. Stark." 

"Alive and in the flesh." 

"Shit, we thought you were--  _ shit,  _ Steve was right. You've been alive this whole time and we just thought he was insane."

Steve never stopped looking. Tony promised to never stop looking for him, and Steve had to return that. 

"We've got to get them out of here." Natasha stood up straighter, back to business. "We can have the reunion later." 

Clint took a step back. "I'm sorry, did Cap just  _ growl?"  _

Did he? He didn't think so. 

"Yeah. He's gone feral. Which would be incredibly hot if he weren't smashing me against the wall in the middle of a secret Hydra base." 

Cushing him. He was hurting Tony. Steve turned around so suddenly that Tony fell forward. Steve caught him in his arms and carried him bridal style effortlessly. He was going to get Tony out of here safely. 

"Woah!" Tony reached out and held onto the suit. "Easy, big guy." 

Natasha leaned in close and said, "Cap, there's a jet outside. Bring him out. We'll be right behind you taking care of this." 

Her orders were short and to the point, kind of like when she spoke to Hulk. Steve nodded and ran out of the room, tucking Tony close to him. He wouldn't let  _ anyone  _ get in the way to bringing Tony home. 

He ran past more guards and Natasha and Clint took care of them before Steve even had to pause. Bodies dropped left and right as they ran back out of the base. 

He saw the jet parked a few hundred feet away and he knew that was where he was supposed to bring Tony, but that wasn't as fast as the suit Steve was wearing. He needed to get home and get medical attention  _ now.  _

"JARVIS," Steve said, making Tony jump at the sound of his voice. "Will Tony be okay if I hold him and we fly home?" 

_ "Yes, Captain."  _

"Good. Then bring us home." 

The suit turned on autopilot again and started their flight home. Steve held onto Tony, refusing to let him go. They were going home.

* * *

_ 18 hours before Then... _

"You know, I was thinking about maybe going to the MOMA this weekend, if you'd like to join me," Steve said as he brushed some eraser bits off of his sketchpad. 

There was no answer. 

"I know it's not really your thing, but I think you'd enjoy it. You can pick where we go eat afterwards." Steve looked up to where Tony was sitting at his table and saw that he didn't answer because he was fast asleep. 

His head was resting on his arm and he was drooling down on the blueprint underneath him. Steve couldn't help but smile at the sight. 

He placed his book on the couch and stood up, walking over to him quietly. He paused a foot away and took his phone from his pocket, courtesy of Stark Industries, and snapped a picture of Tony. He looked adorable. 

Then he pocketed the phone and stepped forward, taking Tony in his arms. He cradled him close to his chest, effortlessly and for a moment just stared down at how beautiful his boyfriend looked. 

"I'm the luckiest fella in the world," Steve whispered, not waking him up. 

He carried him all the way to his bed and tucked him in. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Tony's eyes fluttered open and he smiled when he saw Steve. "Hi," he mumbled. 

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Steve said, brushing hair from his forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

Tony grabbed his hand before he could leave. "Stay. Please." 

Steve hesitated but laid in bed next to him. "I'll stay 'til you fall asleep." 

"Thank you," Tony mumbled, snuggling in close to his side. 

Steve kissed his the top of head again. "You're welcome, love." 

Tony answered with a soft snore.

  
  


* * *

_Three months after Then..._

Steve stayed by his side for hours. Doctors tried getting him to leave, but he refused. He wanted to see that Tony was okay. 

Rhodes came to see him, and after seeing a bruised Tony recovering in the hospital bed, he pulled Steve into a hug and squeezed him tight. 

"Thank you for bringing him home," Rhodes whispered in his ear. 

Steve lifted his arms hesitantly to return the hug. "Sorry it took so long." 

Rhodes pulled back to look him in the eyes. "Never apologize for saving him." 

"Alright…" 

"Good." Rhodes let go of him and took a step back. "I have to go see how far out Clint and Natasha are. They aren't happy you left without them." 

Steve knew he wasn't thinking straight when he flew away, but it got Tony home safe faster. That's all that mattered. "I was a little antsy to have him in the tower." 

"Understandable. I would have done the same." He gave Steve a smile before leaving the room. 

Steve sighed as he took a seat next to Tony again. He shut his eyes and leaned into his hands, massaging his temples. 

"He's right. Please don't apologize for coming for me. Especially when you did so...so sexily." 

Steve's head snapped up when he heard Tony mumble. "Tony, you're awake!" 

"You're full of words now. Kinda miss the growls, if I'm being honest." Tony winced as he sat up against the pillows. "I hope they come back for a comeback tour." 

Steve felt his cheeks flush as he reached for Tony's hand. "Tony, I thought-- I thought I lost you." 

"I knew you'd come get me," Tony said weakly. "All I had to do was build a transmitter to send out a signal. They didn't trust me with parts to build a suit." 

"What did they want?" Steve asked. 

"My knowledge. I refused to give it to them. Build them useless guns and bombs. It'll hopefully just explode on them." 

"They hurt you," Steve said, his eyes tracing the bruises on his face. 

"Yeah, well, I'm a smartass. So…" 

"I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner," Steve said, feeling a lump grow in his throat again. 

"Please don't apologize," Tony repeated. "The only thing you should apologize for is the fact that you're not wearing that suit anymore. I did not know that one of my suits would get me feeling all  _ tingly."  _

Steve huffed a small laugh. "Join the club." 

"Oh, what's that?" Tony leaned forward. "You like my suits? Do they make you  _ feel  _ something, Captain Rogers?" 

Steve felt himself flush as he shifted in the seat. "Tony. C'mon, we're being serious here." 

"And I am being  _ very  _ serious. Hey! Why don't we make a deal? I'll wear one of my suits later if you fall back into that possessive feral animalistic growling thing you had going on." Tony winked. 

"Tony," Steve said, voice firm. 

"Alright, alright. We'll be serious." Tony rubbed his thumb across Steve's hand. "I'll do anything you want, as long as it means we stay together."

"I thought you were dead," Steve said. "You were gone, and I never….got the chance to tell you how I felt." 

Tony's eyes widened as he realized Steve was really being serious. "Steve…" 

"I love you, Tony Stark. And I thought I had lost you. I didn't want to feel anything again without you. I don't want anything without you." 

"You don't have to," Tony whispered. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"You can't promise that. You can't…" 

“Don’t think about the  _ can’t’s. _ Just know what whatever it takes for me to stay by your side forever, I will do.” Tony smiled around his fat lip and he winced when he tugged on the scab. "I love you too, Steve Rogers. I love you more than anything else. And the last three months, all I could think about was getting home to you. You brought me home in every sense of the word." 

Steve leaned forward for his kiss, and Tony pulled him closer until their chests were flush. They didn't break apart from the kiss until they heard someone clearing their throat from the doorway-- probably a nurse. An involuntary growl came up Steve's throat, but he didn't move away. 

Tony moaned against his lips. "Oh, there he is. Hello, Captain Possessive. Please make yourself at home. No need to go anywhere. I insist." 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought!
> 
> Until next time,


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